New Blog!

Hello, friends and followers!

Because of some current complications with Blogger, I have decided to move my blog to Wordpress. Please follow me in my new location: http://restisunwritten.wordpress.com/

See you there!
Heidi

Coming

   Don't be afraid, Mom. I won't take up too much of your time. Sure, it'll hurt. But that will pass. And you'll be glad when it's over. You won't forget. You might if it didn't hurt. Pain has a way of becoming engraved in one's memory. It hurts me too, in case you didn't know. I'm scared too. But I don't understand what you're thinking. You press your hands on the walls of my world, palpating them to feel me move, afraid when I lie too still, sleeping, scared that I am gone.

   I'm here. I feel. I dream. I breathe. I'll come. Things will be different when I come. They won't matter anymore. Your old, cramped room. You think you can't go back there. But it won't matter once I come. I'll be tiny enough for you to take there. You'll be smaller too. The whole world will have shrunk. For a while we'll be enough, just the two of us. You won't think of him anymore. Why he never showed up. Why he never comes around anymore. Why he never calls. Why he never leaves flowers on your doorstep. Wildflowers. The smell of crushed grass. The juices on your clothes. That's all gone. A lot of things are gone. I'm not. I've stayed. I'll stay on. I'll come out of you. I came out of him too, but that doesn't matter anymore. He'll be excised, in a way. From you. And I'll have come. And stayed. It'll work. From now on. And you'll tell everyone when they ask, "Whose is he?" "Mine," you'll say.

   That's the way it's going to be at first. Then it'll change again. I'll be leaving. Becoming my own person. And you'll be hurt again. But don't worry. Everything changes. The pain goes away. Its edges wear off. And things work out. Don't listen to the whispers behind your back: "She's on her own." You're not on your own. I'm here.

   Don't worry. It'll work out. Somehow. I'm here. I feel. I dream. I breathe. I'm coming.

-- from You Do Understand by Andrej Blatnik

Thirst

O God, You are my God, earnestly I seek you;

my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you,

in a dry and weary land where there is no water."

- Psalm 63:1

I'm still struggling with a restless heart. I think I am on the right track by working on the missions application and going through interviews and preparing myself to leave the country, but I feel like I should be doing something more. But what?

In one of my Bible studies, something really struck me this week. "The Lord wants us to thirst not after a quick fix to our problems but after the life-altering refreshment of His provision... Without God's influence, nothing in the world can really quench the deep thirst of our souls" (from Priscilla Shirer's One in a Million). No wonder I'm so stir-crazy! No wonder I don't feel at home here! I do pray that I don't put too much hope into Kenya becoming my "home." If that's where God wants me to be, I will be satisfied and content (and hopefully find great joy and fulfillment in the process). But I must remember that I will never be fully refreshed until I'm in my heavenly Home. 

In the meantime, keep the thirst coming, God! There's no better yearning in the world.

Book Overload!

Wait? Is that even possible? Nah.

Yesterday, my parents and I went to the Twin Cities Book Festival at the Minneapolis Community and Technical College. I think they were initially skepitcal about the amusement capabilities of a bunch of literary crazies getting together and talking about and selling books, but after my mom got a bunch of free stuff and an author signed the book my dad bought, they seemed to be very pleased with the event. Victory! I, of course, was pleased from the moment we walked in. A huge used book sale? (I spent only $5! Pat me on the back, please). Contact information for numerous publishing houses in Minnesota and the Midwest? Being surrounded by people that love books like I do? Yes, it was a great time. Plus, it was really fun to keep running into people that I knew. My world is small.

And to put icing on the cake, as we were walking back to the car, the church bells of the Basilica were heralding a wedding. We came outside just in time to see the bride and groom come out and kiss beneath the arches. Man, wedding bells really do add to the romance.

Well, I'm off to do some publishing company research and to start reading my new book of poetry by Li-Young Lee. I didn't realize this when I bought it, but the book comes with a CD of him reading some of his poems! I nearly peed myself, I was so excited. There's nothing like hearing an author read his poem, so much depth and feeling, so much power. I'll be sure to share some favorites!

They Call the Wind Maria

To celebrate yet another gorgeous fall Friday, Josh and I traveled to Lake Maria State Park for the day. Our GPS, as true to form, took us on a very round-about route down dirt roads and past large farms, but we finally made it! It's definitely a park that you have to be searching for; it's really out of the way, which is probably why we had the entire park to ourselves. That never happens! It did cross my mind that this would be a prime time and place for a murder--no one to hear you scream....--but once that idea faded, I relished in this unexpected alone time. It was lovely.

It seemed we had just missed the peak leaf colors, because everything was on the ground. But the leaves were brown and crisp and a filled the air with crinkling. Following the trails was much more adventurous when we could barely see them!

As usual, we set out in search of geocaches, and in the process came across a camper cabin. Right on a pond! Apparently, there are three cabins and about a dozen backpacking campsites. If that park is always as quiet and secluded as it was today, Josh and I might just have to have a romantic get-away in one of those cabins. Complete with a wood-burning stove! Did you know that you can give State Park gift cards to people? *hint hint* ;)

I have to say that this park is now up there with my favorite places to be in Minnesota, along with the Stone Arch Bridge, Gooseberry Falls, and Stillwater. There is something so comforting about being surrounded by oaks, bald or not, and admiring their majesty, strength, and beauty. I'm sure the three swans on the lake added to that magic as well :)

Bubbles

After the wedding reception this weekend, two of my fellow bridesmaids and I went back to the hotel and played Sorry. A little while later, we heard someone trying to get into our room. Our laughter stopped immediately, they ran and hid in the corner, and I was sent to look through the peep hole. A little old man, still dripping in his swimsuit, tried the card key in our door again, looked at the room number, and hung his head. I could see every wisp of his hair. After a short silence, he shuffled off down the hallway and out of sight. Although we laughed about the situation afterwards, it was an intimate and precious moment for me, this glimpsing of his life through a small bubble. I hope he found his way home.

Happens Every Millennia

Today is a very special day, a date that will not happen again until 2110. Just thought I should document this momentous occasion :)

Speaking of days to be remembered, one of my best friends got married on Saturday! She looked so gorgeous and happy, and I am so glad they can finally start their lives together. God sure gave us perfect weather for it too! In the seventies, in northern Minnesota, in October? The leaf colors were amazing too. I am liking this a lot :) Spending time at their cabin was the best, aerating the lawn with our high heels, having bonfires, playing with wet dogs, and relaxing on the pontoon boat. Yes, a very good weekend and an even better wedding.

Congratulations Erin and Nick!