Thirst

O God, You are my God, earnestly I seek you;

my soul thirsts for you, my body longs for you,

in a dry and weary land where there is no water."

- Psalm 63:1

I'm still struggling with a restless heart. I think I am on the right track by working on the missions application and going through interviews and preparing myself to leave the country, but I feel like I should be doing something more. But what?

In one of my Bible studies, something really struck me this week. "The Lord wants us to thirst not after a quick fix to our problems but after the life-altering refreshment of His provision... Without God's influence, nothing in the world can really quench the deep thirst of our souls" (from Priscilla Shirer's One in a Million). No wonder I'm so stir-crazy! No wonder I don't feel at home here! I do pray that I don't put too much hope into Kenya becoming my "home." If that's where God wants me to be, I will be satisfied and content (and hopefully find great joy and fulfillment in the process). But I must remember that I will never be fully refreshed until I'm in my heavenly Home. 

In the meantime, keep the thirst coming, God! There's no better yearning in the world.

Prayer

In the book Driftless by David Rhodes, I read an interesting and lovely description of a character's prayer life. I wish it was describing me.

She prayed in order to participate in the Activity of God, much like a daughter who dutifully cans vegetable--not because she likes vegetables or contributes significantly to the canning process, but because she wants her mother's company.

On Deserving Things

I've started reading Eat, Pray, Love, because it's popular right now and it seemed liked the thing to do. I'm surprised that I'm actually still reading it, though, because I agree with very little of what Elizabeth Gilbert says. Not to mention that I think she's a very self-centered person who has too much money and time on her hands.

But she did mention something that I'd like to discuss, because it's been bothering me for quite some time now. While in Italy, Gilbert continuously talks about the pleasures she's enjoying and how the Romans she lives around silently applaud her for her idleness. To her, this is the ideal culture, one where people don't need to be convinced that they deserve luxuries and relaxation. Which is exactly what the American culture pushes. You hear it everywhere--radio, TV, on the street, in your own home. You've earned this vacation (or car or ipod or whatever). No one deserves this comfort (or opportunity or happiness, etc.) more than you do.


Ladies and gentlemen, let me explain to you what we all deserve. Hell and eternal damnation. I know, I know, I'm being a complete killjoy. But you know I'm right. We humans didn't do anything to entitle us to happiness, possessions, salvation, or comfort. Anything we have was given to us by the grace of God.

So please, please, don't use that overused word out of context. It's driving me crazy with its lies. And please, please, see everything good you recieve as a gift, not as something to which you're entitled.

Psalm 39:4-6

Show me, O Lord, my life's end

and the number of my days;

let me know how fleeting is my life.

You have made my days a mere handbreadth;

the span of my years is as nothing before you.

Each man's life is but a breath.

Man is a mere phantom as he goes to and fro:

He bustles about, but only in vain;

he heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it.

This psalm is the story of my life right now. God has been reminding me how insignificant and small I am. At first, I found this revelation quite depressing, but as I meditate on it, I'm realizing that it's a blessing. My days truly are a mere handbreadth and my life but a breath. It inspires me to action. If I have so little time on this earth, why not make the most of it? And why not do it for God?

I'm very glad I read this psalm today; it further solidified (at least for me) our calling to give up our "comfortable" existence here and move to Africa. I've been noticing, in the past few months especially, that my desire to buy stuff has been fading. I don't need that new shirt or that movie. It's amazing to me that God has been whittling away at my materialistic self without me even realizing it! I'm beginning to believe that this whittling is preparing me for missions, teaching me how to control my impulsiveness and greed and to be willing to give up luxuries. I don't want to be like the man the psalmist describes, the man who heaps up wealth, not knowing who will get it. I want to build treasures in heaven, the kind that will last for all eternity.

Continental

Big News! Josh and I just sent in applications to do media mission work in Kenya! If we are accepted and all goes smoothly, we could potentially be leaving the country next October! Needless to say, we are very excited :) I will share more details as the process continues. In fact, I may even create a new blog dedicated solely to our next and biggest adventure.

Please keep us in your prayers as we surrender ourselves to God and seek to do his will.

Sibling

Nature is our sister, not our mother--a parallel creation
that gives glimpses of a divine artist at work.

--G. K. Chesterton

Butterfly

Josh and I started a new class at church where we will be learning more about the Holy Spirit, who is sadly neglected or misunderstood in most Christian circles. We're reading this really good book by Francis Chan called Forgotten God: Reversing Our Tragic Neglect of the Holy Spirit, and I'd like to share an inspiring passage from it:

     Years ago, when a random thought came into my head, I decided to share it with my wife. "Have you ever wondered what caterpillars think about?" I asked.

     Not surprisingly, she said, "No."

     I then proceeded to tell her about the confusion I imagine a caterpillar must experience. For all its caterpillar life, it crawls around a small patch of dirt and up and down a few plants. Then one day it takes a nap. A long nap. And then, what in the world must go through its head when it wakes up to discover it can fly? What happened to its dirty, plump little worm body? What does it think when it sees its tiny new body and gorgeous wings?

     As believers, we ought to experience this same kind of astonishment over becoming a "new creation" with the Spirit living in us. As the caterpillar finds its new ability to fly, we should be thrilled over our Spirit-empowered ability to live differently and faithfully. Isn't this what the Scriptures speak of? Isn't this what we've all been longing for?

Image taken by Dennis MacDonald

Corrie the Corolla

Ah, yes. I'm finally starting to understand what people mean when they say that cars are expensive. I'm sure our car isn't more costly than most people's, it's just that all the money is due at the same time--insurance, car payment, new tabs, new tires and other maintenance stuff. Bleh. However, I do have to say that God has a great sense of humor. Here I am, spazzing about all the money we soon won't have, and I get a check in the mail that completely covers the cost of the tabs and gives us ten cents in the bank.

God makes me smile :)

Why?!

I almost gagged when I heard that the makers of Facing the Giants and Fireproof had a new movie. This one, called Letters to God, is exactly that. This review from Entertainment Weekly says it all:

"A bland, pious yet touching faith-based tearjerker. In Letters to God, nine-year-old Tyler (Tanner Maguire) suffers from brain cancer (he's had 30 radiation treatments), but he's as upbeat as Shirley Temple. He fuels his spirit by writing letters to God, which inspires an alcoholic mailman (Jeffrey Johnson) to rediscover his faith. There are so many characters basing their actions on what Jesus would do that Jesus just about deserves a co-screenwriting credit."

I have never laughed out loud from a movie review before. But it makes me sad to know that it's my faith and my God that is the butt of the joke.

Now, I don't remember much about Facing the Giants because I hated it so much, but I do remember the poor, poor quality of Fireproof. The storytelling was too pat and predictable, the character development was extremely lacking, and the script was horrible--no one talks like that. I also seem to remember that, in order to ensure that there was an adequate conversion scene and so we could clearly see how the man's life was changed, we had to suffer through another random plot right at the end of the story. Some of my fellow Christians called it a "plot-twist," but let me assure you, that is not was it was. It was completely unnecessary, didn't fit with the movie AT ALL, and added about thirty more minutes to an already painfully long movie.

I understand that it's exciting when Christians get movies into theaters, that we have the opportunity to share our beliefs. But have you ever stopped to think about who is actually going to see these movies? Yeah. Christians. Christians supporting Christians who believe they're actually making a difference and reaching out to nonbelievers. If I was a nonbeliever, I would in no way be enticed to watch one of those movies. Sap and feel-good sensations do not sell in the real world. The real world is harsh and ugly. Why can't we Christians understand that? Why do we think that the only way to present our beliefs is through blatantly obvious avenues? There is such a thing as subtlety. There is such a thing as theme.

For example, the movie Atonement, though not a "Christian film" (and to be honest, it would probably be frowned upon in many Christian circles), taught me more about the meaning of "atonement" than anything I've ever read or seen before. It was done in such a beautiful way, and because I'm smart (which I fear many Christians don't assume of people), I'm able to tie that newly-discovered definition to Christ's atoning sacrifice. My faith has been enhanced and my mind has not been watered-down.

Now, let's talk about The Passion of the Christ. Mel Gibson had the right idea. His movie was raw and brutal and truthful. And millions of people watched it, not just Christians. The life (and death) of Christ was not a pretty thing, it was not without its complications. So what makes us think we can dumb down God's message so people "understand" it better? People understand heartache and tribulation and pain. Shouldn't we reach out to them from those raw emotions? Don't you think we should show truth through things that will stand the test of time? Don't you think mediocrity breaks His heart?

Purely the Music

Easter services. One of the two times in a year when the church is completely packed with people. What a perfect opportunity to entice people to continue attending, right? Which is probably why our worship pastor added the Beatles' "Let It Be" to his repertoire. Normally, I wouldn't have a problem with that (it's a lovely song), but the way he was singing it, I couldn't understand a single word. It's called enunciation! If they hadn't put the words on the screen, I wouldn't have been able to recognize the English.

This is not the first time something like this has happened. Our leader has a terrible habit of dropping out during the choruses of new songs, making it very difficult for the congregation to learn the new melody, and of adding musical and synthesized embellishments that are distracting to the true purpose of the morning--worshiping God.

Maybe some people wouldn't be as picky about this kind of stuff as Josh and I are, but we, coming from very musical backgrounds, find it dissatisfying and frustrating when people think they can bring mediocre music to church. I mean, we're worshiping God! Shouldn't we bring him the best?

Please don't get the idea that this post is meant to completely bash our church, because it's not. Grace is doing a wonderful job of transitioning into the media world and making services (and their website) relevant to the younger generations. They have a fellowship hall complete with a book store and coffee shop, and every week, our pastor preaches powerful, life-applicable lessons that tie in well with what people are learning in Sunday School classes. No, our church is doing a fine job. It's purely the music I have an issue with, mostly because I know he can do better.

I'd like to bring up some of my concerns with someone at the church, but I haven't the slightest idea how to bring it up or to whom I should speak. Any suggestions?

Part of the Promise

In Genesis, God promised Abram that he would father a great nation, the nation of Israel. I always understood that part, but what I learned in church yesterday stretched my understanding of that promise. The speaker drew a diagram of Abram's descendants: Jacob, Isaac, ... David, .... Jesus, the church. Did you see that? The church is a descendant of Abram and the culmination of God's promise! Once Jesus came to earth, he brought salvation to more than just the Israelites. We Gentiles are now part of his family. I don't know why it took me this long to realize that I'm a part of a mighty promise made thousands of years ago, but it gives me a greater sense of purpose, shows me that God truly has a plan for his people, and inspires me to make sure I do my best to serve him.

I hope this revelation motivates you as well!

Identity

Christians in Kenya introduce themselves in an inspiring way: "Hello! I'm a follower of Jesus Christ. My name is..."

Is my identity found in myself or in Christ?

Corresponding Shapes

My heart is breaking. People living together before they are married, people being politically correct about homosexuality, people being homosexuals. What ever happened to the sanctity of marriage, to the beauty that God created for us? Maybe I'm more effected by these social norms now, because I am married and know just how wonderful and lovely it is, and I see how Satan is destroying it. And maybe I'm more attuned to the deterioration of love, because I'm interning at a publishing company where artists are more open about their sexuality, more articulate about their sin. They make it look glamorous, poetic, beautiful. And that bothers me deeply.

But I'm a writer too. And a Christian. I feel more like a minority than I ever have before. But I won't stand for tolerance, acceptance. Tolerance becomes complacency, ignorance, indifference, and I don't want to live in an indifferent world. I will celebrate sexuality, but within marriage and between a man and a woman. Sorry if I offend anyone, but I will make God's view known.

And on a side note, though the Twilight series is very poorly written, Meyers is at least portraying dedicated love. And hey, they don't have sex until they're married. Kudos for that. In a world filled with frivolous sex, it's good that young people are idolizing a storyline that has some moral goodness in it. Not that idolizing is all that great of a thing, but that's an entirely different topic. I won't get on my soapbox about it, yet ;)

Love,

Heidi

Alcoholics Anonymous

Professor Hougen gave me this lovely little book called "Listening to Your Life: Daily Meditations with Frederick Buechner," and over the weekend, I read something very powerful. I'll type it all here and let it do the talking for me:

Alcoholics Anonymous or A.A. is the name of a group of men and women who acknowledge that addiction to alcohol is ruining their lives. Their purpose in coming together is to give it up and help others do the same. They believe they can't pull this off by themselves. They believe they need each other, they believe they need God...

When they first start talking at a meeting, they introduce themselves by saing, "I am John. I am an alcoholic," "I am Mary. I am an alcoholic," to which the rest of the group answers each in unison, "Hi, John," "Hi Mary." They are apt to end with the Lord's Prayer or the Serenity Prayer. Apart from that they have no ritual. They have no hierarchy. They have no dues or budget. They do not advertise or proselytize. Having no buildings of their own, they meet wherever they can.

Nobody lectures them, and they do not lecture each other. They simple tell their own stories with the candor that anonymity makes possible. They tell where they went wrong and how day by day they are trying to go right. They tell where they find the strength and understanding and hope to keep trying. Sometimes one of them will take special responsibility for another--to be available at any hour of day or night if the need arises. There's not much more to it than that, and it seems to be enough. Healing happens. Miracles are made.

You can't help thinking that something like this is what the Church is meant to be and maybe once was before it got to be Big Business. Sinners Anonymous. "I can will what is right but I cannot do it," is the way Saint Paul put it, speaking for all of us. "For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do" (Romans 7:19).

"I am me. I am a sinner."

"Hi, you."

Hi, every Sadie and Sal. Hi, every Tom, Dick, and Harry. It is the forgiveness of sins, of course. It is what the Church is all about.

No matter what far place alcoholics end up in, either in this country or virtually anywhere else, they know that there will be an A.A. meeting nearby to go to and that at that meeting they will find strangers who are not strangers to help and to heal, to listen to the truth and to tell it. That is what the Body of Christ is about.

Would it ever occur to Christians in a far place to turn to a church nearby in hope of finding the same? Would they find it? If not, you wonder what is so Big about the Church's Business.

Marriage is what brings us together today

I was the personal attendant at Tiffany and Bennett's wedding on Friday, and I absolutely LOVED it! I honestly cannot get enough of weddings. I want all my friends to get married. I want to get married again! :)

It was a little strange, though, because Josh wasn't there. I spent the night with all the girls (my first time away from Josh), and though it was great to have giggly girl time, I really missed him. And then, because it was a wedding and filled with lovey things, I wished he was with me. Tiffany's sister said she looked at me during the ceremony and saw the "I was just there" look in my eyes. Maybe that's why it was hard not to cry!

Marriage is such a beautiful thing. I'm so glad God created it for us. It's a perfect union before God and man, a covenant to love and cherish each other, and the beginning of a wonderful, lifelong adventure. I get all giddy and smiley just thinking about it! :D

Anyway, I wish Tiffany and Bennett all the best in life and can't wait to see how God works in them!

Oh, and if any of my friends get engaged, I'm totally up for helping them plan :)

Love,

Heidi