Lost Upset

*disclaimer: I will be talking about some of the things from the latest season of Lost.*

Oh, LOST, how I love thee. Except now that you're messing with my mind in ways I never thought possible. Apparently, after Juliet set off the hydrogen bomb, we now have two alternate realities going on at the same time--one on the island in present day and one back on the plane (that doesn't crash this time). At first, I was like, "Yay! Now none of my favorite characters actually die!" But then, as we are introduced to the beloved characters again, we see them as they used to be, before the island changed them. I was not so excited anymore.

Take Charlie, for example, my all-time favorite character. I was ecstatic to hear that he would be coming back to the show, because, I mean, why couldn't he come back to life? This is LOST we're talking about. But he wasn't the Island Charlie; he was Plane Charlie, the heroine addict who hated the world. I was devastated for his character, and I realized that, though the Island ultimately killed him, it was necessary for him to have been there. It was where he struggled to overcome his drug addiction and where he met Claire. His relationship with her and her baby (affectionately known as "Turniphead") was monumental and endearing. Seeing Charlie grow into a caring and functioning human being throughout the seasons made me love him all the more and made his death that much more heartbreaking. But not as heartbreaking as it was to see him back where he started, barely recognizable.

And let's talk about Sun and Jin, the Korean couple who had many things--family struggles, work issues, infertility--going against them before the crash. Their time on the island taught them how to relate to each other as a couple. No outside restraints, no cultural dictations. Just them. Watching them rediscover their love and respect for each other was so very beautiful. And the fact that the island "gave" them a baby was the icing on the cake. Everything was going so well. Until they were separated by space and time. Talk about another one of those super emotional episodes, the one where we think Jin has just been blown up on the freighter and Sun screams in agony. Still gives me chills. So, you'd think that with the new season, I'd be excited to see them back together. Au contraire! There they were on the airplane, Sun dreaming of the love she wished she knew and Jin scolding her for being immodest and headstrong. The old walls were intact, the old bitterness brewing, the old regrets lingering. Not what I wanted for them.

But with LOST, all this "old character" business could be an illusion. Or a way to show us how sometimes bad things happen to serve greater purposes. If it's the latter, then the writer's are geniuses. And also very daring. I couldn't imagine putting a character I created through difficulties and growing pains only to put them right back in the problem again. All that hard work of redeeming the character going to waste! Yikes! I wonder if I should try it sometime, though, just to see what it feels like...

Apple

Since I'm married to a man who works at Apple, I naturally get inundated with all things Mac. Last night was no exception. Here are a few of the products he showed me (and which I admit, are actually pretty cool).

Giant earbud speakers:

iMac Aquariums (made from old computers):

Snow White Decal (though I think it would make more sense if she were on the other side of the apple):

And my personal favorite, the MacBOOK carrying case:

If you'd like to see a few more, check out this website.

Loves!

Heidi

I'm so glad I went to college

Because it sure isn't doing anything for me. Yes, I just received yet another rejection. And I was so sure that this time--it had to be this time--I'd get the job. But I suppose it's for the best, because I was starting to have second thoughts about the position anyway. I wouldn't have admitted that to anyone, though, if I had been offered the job. I would've taken it, because that's what you do in this economy. "In this economy." Don't you just hate that phrase? It pops up everywhere, and it sure doesn't boost anyone's confidence--or motivation.

But, since I'm sure you don't want to hear my complaining for a whole blog, I will come up with a list of reasons why "this economy" and my college education is worth the trouble.

1. I have a large support team surrounding me (aka all my fellow graduates who are stumbling around asking questions). Truly, it is a comfort knowing that "it's not just me." Plus, we help each other out--giving advice or encouragement, or even offering each other jobs (thanks, Jenny). I think there's going to be a new kind of camaraderie that comes out of this time.

2. I have plenty of time to figure out where my real passions lie. I've been interning at the Minnesota Literacy Council and love what they are doing. I'm thinking of volunteering there more often, perhaps teach English to ESL learners.

3. A writing degree can pretty much be used anywhere, I just need to find my niche. In the meantime, I'll document my experiences and hopefully I (or others) will learn from them. Or I'll figure out how to do some freelancing.

4. I have more time to devote to God. I find that when I'm in a confused or desperate state, I turn to him more frequently. Since I'm currently in that place, I hope I will develop strong and good habits that I can then nurture for the rest of my life.

5. I have more time to *ahem* experiment in the kitchen. And not just deserts. Josh has this Martin Yan cookbook with some really good stir fry and chicken recipes that look pretty simple. We'll see what I can conjure up :)

So, even though there are many aspects about these days that suck, I will try to look at them differently and use them as a time to learn more about myself and explore other avenues. For now, I am taking a break with the job search--it's exhausting and doesn't yield much but disappointment and a hundred different versions of my resume--and focus my work energies on a little girl named Ava. I'm discovering that, despite my initial fear of young children, they aren't so bad. In fact, I really like them. Which is a good thing to discover since I'm hoping to have some of my own someday.

Toodles!

Heidi

Identity

Christians in Kenya introduce themselves in an inspiring way: "Hello! I'm a follower of Jesus Christ. My name is..."

Is my identity found in myself or in Christ?

let the poem do the talking

at the cemetery, walnut grove plantation, south Carolina, 1989

among the rocks

at walnut grove

your silence drumming

in my bones,

tell me your names.

nobody mentioned slaves

and yet the curious tools

shine with your fingerprints.

nobody mentioned slaves

but somebody did this work

who had no guide, no stone,

who moulders under rock.

tell me your names,

tell me your bashful names

and i will testify.

the inventory lists ten slaves

but only men were recognized.

among the rocks

at walnut grove

some of these honored dead

were dark

some of these dark

were slaves

some of these slaves

were women

some of them did this

honored work.

tell me your names

foremothers, brothers,

tell me your dishonored names.

here lies

here lies

here lies

here lies

hear

- Lucille Clifton

I'm not particularly a fan of the man's ideas, but I do greatly admire his signature. Now, if he'd put it to good use :)

Hungry

How do you know when you’ve been out of school too long? When you go to the library and return with six volumes on World War II. Yes, I’m hungry for learning. But this is the really fun kind of learning. The kind where I get to choose the topic and go as in-depth with it as I please.

So far, my eyes are really opening up to the War. In school, I merely learned the reasons for it and the battles and the tragedies, but now I’m seeing the war through the eyes of the soldiers and the nurses and even the children. Seeing it through the eyes of children is especially powerful (from Through the Eyes of Innocents). They don’t necessarily understand the big picture. They just know that they hide in the shelter until the bombs stop dropping, and then they can run outside and fight for the biggest piece of shrapnel. It became a game, a way of life.

But what I find most interesting is when children in German-occupied countries talk of the German soldiers who are now living with them. After a bombing, a little boy ventured into the streets and saw a church completely destroyed, except for the organ. A German soldier sat at the keys and played a beautiful song that echoed down the war-torn streets. “Surely this man couldn’t be all bad,” the boy reasoned. Another child talked of how a German soldier came to have tea and dinner with her family on a regular basis. He’d joke and talk of his home and show pictures of his wife and family. It’s so strange to be reminded that the Germans were human too, that they loved and laughed, and that they truly believed they were doing the right thing.

I am also a bit humbled by these accounts, because I am so quick to condemn the whole country for what they did to the Jews. How could they not have known? I ask myself. But then, when I learn that their news broadcasts were severely censored and that if they were caught listening to other news sources, like BBC, they would be sent to labor and concentration camps, I feel more compassion for the people. They were ruled by fear, and I shouldn’t judge them for it. And when I learn that 12% of their population was killed during this war, most of them soldiers but many of them civilians, I understand the true meaning of tragedy.