Merry Christmas!

Movie Quote of the Year

I wasn't sure if I'd like Love Actually, but once Hugh Grant finished his opening monologue, I knew this movie was a winner:

"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion... love actually is all around."

Pure poetry.

Feeling Accomplished

Yesterday, I found out that a manuscript that I read and highly recommended is going to be published! How affirming! Seriously, that made my day. Now I know that I have a knack for finding good literature. But it is making it a little difficult to be searching for technical writing jobs when I've discovered that I'm good at this editing stuff. I do have an interview sometime soon with the people from the MN Literacy Council, though. They produce a literary magazine each year, and they're interested in me helping them out! It's a part-time unpaid internship again, of course, but what can you do? The publishing world is kinda brutal, and I'm still tasting the beginnings of it.

So, be looking for a collection of short stories called Still Life with Plums. It should come out in about two years :)

Corresponding Shapes

My heart is breaking. People living together before they are married, people being politically correct about homosexuality, people being homosexuals. What ever happened to the sanctity of marriage, to the beauty that God created for us? Maybe I'm more effected by these social norms now, because I am married and know just how wonderful and lovely it is, and I see how Satan is destroying it. And maybe I'm more attuned to the deterioration of love, because I'm interning at a publishing company where artists are more open about their sexuality, more articulate about their sin. They make it look glamorous, poetic, beautiful. And that bothers me deeply.

But I'm a writer too. And a Christian. I feel more like a minority than I ever have before. But I won't stand for tolerance, acceptance. Tolerance becomes complacency, ignorance, indifference, and I don't want to live in an indifferent world. I will celebrate sexuality, but within marriage and between a man and a woman. Sorry if I offend anyone, but I will make God's view known.

And on a side note, though the Twilight series is very poorly written, Meyers is at least portraying dedicated love. And hey, they don't have sex until they're married. Kudos for that. In a world filled with frivolous sex, it's good that young people are idolizing a storyline that has some moral goodness in it. Not that idolizing is all that great of a thing, but that's an entirely different topic. I won't get on my soapbox about it, yet ;)

Love,

Heidi

The demise of an American icon may be upon us. I heard in the news that Disney is planning to change the look of Mickey Mouse, make him more relevant, more accessible for today's children and youth. How can that even be right?

Obama must be behind it.

23

It was my birthday yesterday, and Josh and I did a lot of things that made me feel like we were living the high life. First, he gave me an ipod nano that he won from the Apple store and an itunes gift card to help fill it up :) It's so skinny, I'm afraid I might accidentally eat it.

Later, we stopped by the Minnesota History Center with the free ticket passes we got from the library. I wish we could've stayed there longer, though. The exhibits are very intriguing, especially The Minnesota's Greatest Generation section. They had the back end of an real plane in there! And a sweet old 50s car and a ton of old-fashioned t.v.s (which Josh liked the most, of course).

For dinner, we went to this fancy restaurant called Kozlaks. Fantastic tenderloin and cheesecake. And we didn't have to pay for that either, because we had a gift card. Woot!

And to top the evening off, we went to the Minnesota Opera to see Casanova's Homecoming (once again, with free tickets). The show was sung in English, which is not my preference for operas, but it was highly amusing and full of sexual innuendoes. But what can you expect if you're watching something about Casanova?

Needless to say, the 21st of November was a great way to start my 23rd year of existence.

Heidi

p.s. Please note that not only is this my 23rd birthday, but it's also my 23rd blog. I'm just that coordinated ;)

The Visitors

Wow. I think I'm really going to like this new show on ABC. A quick premise of the show, so you all understand: Aliens have arrived on earth in our modern time (during wars, economic strife, poverty, etc.) and claim, through the attractive and articulate leader, that they will give us world peace, and therefore, happiness. People practically worship these "saviors" and the "change" they will be bringing, no questions asked. And another one of the Visitors plans to gain our trust is to implement universal healthcare. Interesting. Oh, and did I mention that the aliens are really planning to annihilate us all?

Maybe we should listen.

This is it.

The day before I start my novel. I, and thousands of others around the world, will be embarking on the one-month novel-writing quest known as Nanowrimo. (www.nanowrimo.org). I'm a bit nervous, but I'm not totally unprepared. For years, I've had this fantasy story stirring in my head, and this, I believe, is the perfect time to finally get it on down paper.

So, with my random preliminary character notes and plot point scribblings, I embark (look! I'm already in the fantasy-writing mindset). I'll try to keep you posted on my progress, but, if you don't hear from me, you can assume that I'm either writing furiously and will need a hand massage by the end of the night or I'm ripping out my hair in frustration.

Now, to use that extra hour of sleep to my advantage :)

See you on the other side.

Heidi

p.s. While at the Minneapolis Institute of Art to see the traveling Louvre exhibit (which was incredible, by the way), I found, in the middle of a crowded room, a man dressed as Waldo.

Springtime of Life - Camille Corot

For it is Life that we want

"For it is life we want. We want the world, the whole beautiful world, alive - and we alive in it. That is the actual god we long for and seek, yet we already have it, if we open our senses, our whole bodies, thus our souls. That is why I have written and intend to continue until someone among you takes up the happy work of keeping the chain letter of the soul moving along into whatever future will come." - Bill Holm

Since working at Milkweed, I've discovered this fantastic author, who, sadly, passed away earlier this year. I want to take his message to heart, take up his calling, and since he can no longer speak, carry the chain letter of the soul to my generation.

I hope to live this way in my faith, as well. God gave me the gift of words, and I must've ever forget that. Let me speak truth to the world eloquently, precisely, and honorably.

Happenings

I quit my job! I have never felt so liberated. I mean, if people are not going to respect me and my work ethic and/or use me as a scape goat, they better be paying me more than $7.25 if they expect me to stick around.

In other news, I had an interview with a recruiter this morning. I think it went well (even though we were thirty minutes late thanks to traffic!), and this could be the beginning of a very amazing opportunity. The building also housed the Dairy Queen headquarters, and they gave out free dilly bars in the lobby. Kind of exciting :)

Josh went apple picking over the weekend and is in the process of making apple sauce, apple pie, and apple crisp. The apartment is in a constant smell of yum... In the meantime, he decided to store the bag of apples on the balcony. I looked out the window this afternoon and saw a squirrel bounding away with something very large in his mouth. Naturally, I started laughing, and after Josh chased the animal away, he moped about the loss of one of his hand-picked apples. And just because I love rodents and this story sort of relates to this picture, I've posted something lovely for you to look at.

"Morning Song"

I took a trip to the library today with the intent of getting one particular book and ended up leaving with four. Go figure. One was a collection of poetry from Sylvia Plath, a very lovely and tragic poet. Why is it that the people who are highly-tuned to the beauty of language and the world around them are likely to commit suicide? Is it, perhaps, because they see the potential of the world and know that it will never be rid of all the evil?

But, I digress. When I opened the book, I was met with this beautiful piece of poetry. When I was done with work on Sunday, I was so sick of screaming, messy children. Perhaps that's why this poem sticks out to me. I need to see the beauty in the crying.

Morning Song

Love set you going like a fat gold watch.

The midwife slapped your footsoles, and your bald cry

Took its place among the elements.

Our voices echo, magnifying your arrival. New statue

In a drafty museum, your nakedness

Shadows our safety. We stand round blankly as walls.

I'm no more your mother

Than the cloud that distils a mirror to reflect its own slow

Effacement at the wind's hand.

All night your moth-breath

Flickers among the flat pink roses. I wake to listen:

A far sea moves in my ear.

One cry, and I stumble from bed, cow-heavy and floral

In my Victorian nightgown.

Your mouth opens as cleans as a cat's. The window square

Whitens and swallows its dull stars. And now you try

Your handful of notes;

The clear vowels rise like balloons.

South Dakota Get-Away

Here are some pictures and highlights from our much-needed vacation. The time away really helped us reconnect with each other and with God. Camping in the great outdoors has a way of doing that. :)

Sylvan Lake - One of my favorite spots (and there was going to be a wedding later that night!)

Me holding up one of the huge rocks.

Josh exploring a roadside cave. We also toured Wind Cave and Jewel Cave but didn't take pictures inside them (too dark). Jewel Cave was my favorite. The amazing rock formations made you feel like you were walking through a corral reef. I can't even adequately describe it!

More remarkable rocks we drove through on Needles Highway.

And, of course, Mt. Rushmore.

New homestead

After a crazy weekend of moving, cleaning, and sporadically working, we are finally settling into our new apartment. The place is a mess, naturally, but already I feel better about life. Something about being able to have fresh air blowing in all day, extra sunshine, and more room to spread out.

I'm really excited to start unpacking. Unfortunately, I need to wait for Josh to come back from work to help me move the furniture. And set up his computer. He has this cool new thing on his Mac called Delicious Library where I can use the camera on the computer to scan the barcodes of all my books and movies and keep a record of them. And then, if I loan them to people, I can quickly and easily check them out. So exciting! (I know, I know, I am such a nerd.)

And for more exciting news, someone at the new place has really fast unsecured internet! We're hoping we'll be able to borrow that from time to time. ;) And for the time being, Josh has the T.V. set up in the bedroom, which is becoming a dangerous situation. I really like it there! Would it be redundant to get another one for the living room?

Anyway, it's good to have a new place to call home, especially one that feels more welcoming. And I can't wait to get the place looking all organized and cute and to have people over to visit!

Titanica

"Women and children first," they said, and I knew that was my only way of

safety and also the way towards my biggest loss - the life of my husband.

- 1st class passenger

Oh my. Something about having a husband yourself makes you feel differently about the Titanic disaster. Josh and I went to the exhibit at the Science Museum on Thursday, and it was quite the intriguing and sobering experience. We were there about two hours, but I probably could've stayed longer. Let me list some highlights of the day:

1. As we entered the exhibit, we each received a "boarding pass" with a name of an actual passenger and a bit of his/her history. At the end of the exhibit, you found out if your person survived. I was Margaret Brown (a bit anticlimactic since she's the "unsinkable Molly Brown"), and Josh was a Frenchman traveling with his family to Haiti (he was the only colored man on the Titanic. Kinda cool). Of the two of us, I wonder who died? ;)

2. One of the artifacts retrieved from the bottom of the ocean was a steward's jacket. After being underwater for close to eighty years, it was still in tact! The steward, named Broome, had written his name on the inside of the collar, and you could still read it. Remarkable.

3. They had some role-play people wandering the exhibit giving tidbits of info in British accents. That's how I learned that the Titanic was one of the first and only ships to offer meals to the third class passengers. On other ships, those passengers were required to bring their own food to last the duration of the trip. That would lead to some interesting smells, I imagine. And the steerage passengers had real mattresses rather than sacks stuffed with straw. The ship was glamorous even in steerage!

4. We touched a huge block of ice that represented the coldness of the ocean on the night of the sinking. *shiver* I'm surprised people didn't die instantly.

5. I discovered this fantastic website that has biographies of all the Titanic passengers. I can't wait until I have more free time!

6. And lastly, we watched the omni-theater presentation, which was incredibly interesting, and I didn't get motion sickness! :)

Love,

Heidi

New job!

I cannot believe what a whirlwind this week has been. After I got over the excitement of getting the internship, the reality that I needed a paid part time job started to sink in. I called a couple book stores. No luck. Then, out of the blue, I remembered that there is a Once Upon A Child in Roseville, and since I'd worked at one for two years during high school, I thought I'd give it a shot. And I totally have a job now! Wow. God is so good.

Now, I hope my life will settle into some semblance of a routine. But probably not. And I should probably work on packing up the apartment, since pretty soon, I will have very little time.

Love,

Heidi

p.s. I absolutely LOVE this picture. This couple set up the timer on the camera, posed, and this little squirrel decided to investigate the situation right as the camera flashed. Makes me giggle every time.

From one internship to another

I have had the craziest week so far (and it's only Tuesday!). Yesterday was my last day at my internship. I was a little sad, because I really enjoyed the people and the pay, but I'm ready to start something new. And I was waiting to hear back about a new job position. I figured I had a good chance of getting it seeing as I made it through three interviews. But apparently, they made an offer yesterday, and I was left out of it. I got the email today. Very sad. But I'm glad they didn't call me with the news. How are you supposed to react when you have your hopes up about something and then they are crushed? "Oh, thanks. I was really hoping the other person would get it." But anyway, I'll stop sounding bitter about it and won't go into all the details of how perfect it would've been and how Josh could've quit his one job and not be so tired all the time, because obviously, this job was not meant to be.

So, after I cried and moped for about ten minutes, I got a phone call from Milkweed Editions. Two weeks ago, I received a rejection letter from them as well, so naturally, I had completely taken them out of my mind. But miraculously (because God is crazy good about stuff), they had another opening, and they wanted me! Seriously, I sat holding the phone with my mouth hanging open. I had NO idea how to feel. From rejection pains to extreme excitement in ten minutes? Kinda hard to handle.

Talk about your "one door closing, another door opening" experience.

Now all I have to do is find a part-time job that actually pays. I don't want Josh to have all the pressure. And seeing as the first two days of this week have been completely unexpected, I hope some other crazy good things will happen.

Love,

Heidi

Alcoholics Anonymous

Professor Hougen gave me this lovely little book called "Listening to Your Life: Daily Meditations with Frederick Buechner," and over the weekend, I read something very powerful. I'll type it all here and let it do the talking for me:

Alcoholics Anonymous or A.A. is the name of a group of men and women who acknowledge that addiction to alcohol is ruining their lives. Their purpose in coming together is to give it up and help others do the same. They believe they can't pull this off by themselves. They believe they need each other, they believe they need God...

When they first start talking at a meeting, they introduce themselves by saing, "I am John. I am an alcoholic," "I am Mary. I am an alcoholic," to which the rest of the group answers each in unison, "Hi, John," "Hi Mary." They are apt to end with the Lord's Prayer or the Serenity Prayer. Apart from that they have no ritual. They have no hierarchy. They have no dues or budget. They do not advertise or proselytize. Having no buildings of their own, they meet wherever they can.

Nobody lectures them, and they do not lecture each other. They simple tell their own stories with the candor that anonymity makes possible. They tell where they went wrong and how day by day they are trying to go right. They tell where they find the strength and understanding and hope to keep trying. Sometimes one of them will take special responsibility for another--to be available at any hour of day or night if the need arises. There's not much more to it than that, and it seems to be enough. Healing happens. Miracles are made.

You can't help thinking that something like this is what the Church is meant to be and maybe once was before it got to be Big Business. Sinners Anonymous. "I can will what is right but I cannot do it," is the way Saint Paul put it, speaking for all of us. "For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I do" (Romans 7:19).

"I am me. I am a sinner."

"Hi, you."

Hi, every Sadie and Sal. Hi, every Tom, Dick, and Harry. It is the forgiveness of sins, of course. It is what the Church is all about.

No matter what far place alcoholics end up in, either in this country or virtually anywhere else, they know that there will be an A.A. meeting nearby to go to and that at that meeting they will find strangers who are not strangers to help and to heal, to listen to the truth and to tell it. That is what the Body of Christ is about.

Would it ever occur to Christians in a far place to turn to a church nearby in hope of finding the same? Would they find it? If not, you wonder what is so Big about the Church's Business.

Changes and such

This past week has been crazy for us Thulins. We decided that we will not be resigning our lease and will be moving to The Palisades at the end of September. We're tired of living halfway underground, and we're afraid our rent will go up. I'm especially excited, because we'll be on the second floor (meaning we can have the windows open at night), and we'll have a balcony where I can people-watch and journal in the sun! We'll also have more room in the living area, meaning we'll be better equipped to host people :) As strange as it may sound, I really like packing and unpacking and rearranging everything. Gives me something to do while I wait for a job.

Speaking of jobs, I just got an email from someone this morning asking if I'd be interested in a position. Apparently, my resume was forwarded to him by someone who was impressed by my experience! What a happy surprise! AND the company is literally 500 feet from where Josh works, so we could still get away with having only one car! But I am still keeping my fingers crossed for the publishing company internship. I would love that so much, but I'm afraid that I might have to make a hard decision - choose the internship and love what I'm doing, but make no money or choose a full-time job that isn't exactly up my alley but gives us good money. *sigh* I'd rather get a "no" from someone rather than have to make that decision for myself.

Love,

Heidi

Rogue Budha

Rather than having our writer's group last night, we English grads went to a poetry reading at an art gallery in St. Paul. Our teacher, Amy McCann, presented some of her work, and I was in awe. Her language is very elegant and gentle, and she expressed tragic, disturbing things in beautiful ways. My favorite poem of hers spoke of a dead hawk that her friend lifed into his arms and examined its wounds while Amy took a picture of its fallen, open wing. That moment left a very nice taste in my mouth.

The art gallery itself was very intriguing as well. All the work was done by the same artist, a painter who favored portraits with long necks and large hands. Each of the faces had deep eyes, like an entire story, an entire life was within them. Very haunting. I may have considered buying one if they weren't $2,000 each!

Some more notes on the reading:
1. Having wine and cheese was very classy, and I wished I had been wearing an artsy type dress.
2. There are so many different styles of poetry, and I find it fascinating how different people express their voices.
3. One woman wrote a long poem that was really a series of shorter poems. Each page had only a few lines on it - a little poem that could stand by itself. And each little poem contributed to the larger one. So cool. I think I might try that sometime.
4. A man wrote one called "Sleepwalkers" which I really loved. He described different people sleepwalking, giving each person two or three lines and separating each story with a pause. Apparently, I'm drawn to sectional poetry. It can tell so much in smaller doses. And it lets the silence speak.

And finally, here are some other poets' lines that stuck in my head (I wish I knew the line breaks, because they would make the moments more powerful. That's the one bummer about poetry readings. You don't have the work in front of your eyes.):

"You can't find a wife in a line-up of bridesmaids."
"Medicine in the breeze we inhale when we open the windows."

I should go to more of these things, because I come home all buzzing with inspiration. :)

Hanging Beauty

When Josh and I were up in Madeline Island, we browsed in a few art shops. Apparently, art is held in high esteem on a Lake Superior island, because there was a lot of it! While there, I fell in love with an oil painting. Still Life with Branches. I'm almost haunted by this picture. There's something so peaceful and powerful about it that every time I see it, I sigh and smile.

I hope you enjoy it too.

Still Life with Branches

Terrie Meyer

Inspirational Moments

Last summer, my parents and I spent an extended weekend in Blacklock's Artist Cottage on the North Shore of Minnesota. It is a sanctuary for artists looking for refreshment and revival, and my mom happened to find it in a brochure. It was the perfect place for my writing-starved self.

The room smelled strongly of fish - my dad had just eaten a herring - and my mom sat at the table calculating the time difference between here and Europe. Her eyes were elsewhere, perhaps seeing my sleeping brother in Switzerland.

There was a five-year-old journal on the coffee table that was filled with notes of encouragement, frustration, and advice. I loved glimpsing into the moments of other people, artist and tourist alike. Perhaps they'd have something to say to me.

One woman left a book of poetry in the bookshelf. David Daniel's Seven-Star Bird. I brought it with me to the deck, read it while the waves of Lake Superior sang a lullaby below me. Here is my favorite poem from that collection. It's so simple and short and yet so emotionally present. I love it.

Good-Bye Poem
A day comes
when you have to say good-bye,
when you point to your hand and say,

I believe this is my hand, waving.

The 19th Wife

I just finished this intriguing book, and I'm still in awe of it. There are two story lines going on - one in Brigham Young's time and one today - and yet both stories are interconnected. Plus, the author tells the story from multiple points of view - diary entries, letters, thesis papers, first person narratives - and yet each character has an arch, a personality, and a hint of real humanity. Very cool. Plus, he must've done a ton of research to make this book work. I really admire this quality in authors, because I don't think I have the patience to do it. I'd much rather create from the world I know today (or just create my own fantasy world with its own history and creatures). :)

The whole time I was reading this book, I was thinking, "Whoa, the Mormons are not portrayed in a very good light here." But I never heard any kind of complaints or controversies surrounding this book. The Mormons didn't freak out about it.

And then I thought about my own church.

Whenever something "bad" is released to the public, be it a book or movie (though movies, of course, get more press), Christians spaz out about it. "It's satanic, immoral, bad for our children, misleading," they say. And while their concerns may be real and they may want to protect their childern, I have to laugh at them. By making a fuss, they just make the "banned" artform that much more intriguing to everyone. And it makes Christians look dumb, superficial, judgmental.

I also wonder if those people that speak against books and movies have even given the art a chance. Did they read or watch it themselves and truly understand the artistic qualities of it? Or are they basing their assumptions on something some pastor said? If they're thinking for themselves and have truly found something dissatisfying to them, I am glad they have their convictions and want to share them with people. But if they're just being the fanatical mouthpiece, then I think they should keep their mouths shut.

Let art be art. Let it show real life. Because, I'm sorry to say, real life is not always moral or good for our children.

Hobbit Hotel

My husband found this fantastic-looking hotel the other day and sent it to me. I know he did it to make me drool. I would love to go here, bring my Lord of the Rings soundtrack and my curling iron (I must feel like a hobbit too!), and look out the window and write.

This would be the perfect place to re-invigorate my fantasy writing. I miss my dragons and fairies.

Now all I have to do is get the money. Oh, and the plane ticket.

The Prize for Patience

If you're struggling with patience (as I oftentimes do), think of this stop-motion music video. It must've taken months to make these three minutes, and yet, the result is so beautiful!

That's how it is with most art. You see the idea in your head, you labor away for months and years, you edit and revise and want to pull out your hair, and finally, you have something. Something lovely to share with the world. I'm so glad I'm a writer :)

Snippets

I absolutely love Pat Conroy's book, The Prince of Tides, and I've been bursting to talk about it. Conroy has amazing description, and I feel like I could meet his characters on the street and strike up a conversation with them. He is truly inspirational. Here is one such description (of a funeral make-up artist) that blows my mind every time I read it:

"He was tall and thin and had a complexion like goat cheese left on the table too long. The funeral parlor smelled like dead flowers and unanswered prayers. When he wished us a good day, his voice was reptilian and unctuous and you knew he was only truly comfortable in the presence of the dead. He looked as if he had died two or three times himself in order to appreciate better the subtleties of his vocation. Winthrop Ogletree had the face of an unlucky vampire who never received an adequate portion of blood."

Wow! Someday, I will write like that. :)

I also find it interesting (and fun) that the main character is most passionate when he talks about books that he loves. "Alone, the greatest writers would sit with me and, in their own voices, tell me everything there was to know about the world," he says. How true that is. And I deeply appreciate what this book continues to teach me about life - the stubborn and sometimes irrational love of family, the bonding between lovers, the brutality of the world, the perseverance through terrible times, and undying faith. I could read this book fifty times and not be sick of it!

Marriage is what brings us together today

I was the personal attendant at Tiffany and Bennett's wedding on Friday, and I absolutely LOVED it! I honestly cannot get enough of weddings. I want all my friends to get married. I want to get married again! :)

It was a little strange, though, because Josh wasn't there. I spent the night with all the girls (my first time away from Josh), and though it was great to have giggly girl time, I really missed him. And then, because it was a wedding and filled with lovey things, I wished he was with me. Tiffany's sister said she looked at me during the ceremony and saw the "I was just there" look in my eyes. Maybe that's why it was hard not to cry!

Marriage is such a beautiful thing. I'm so glad God created it for us. It's a perfect union before God and man, a covenant to love and cherish each other, and the beginning of a wonderful, lifelong adventure. I get all giddy and smiley just thinking about it! :D

Anyway, I wish Tiffany and Bennett all the best in life and can't wait to see how God works in them!

Oh, and if any of my friends get engaged, I'm totally up for helping them plan :)

Love,

Heidi

Dancing Toward Bethlehem

If there is only enough time in the final

minutes of the twentieth century for one last dance

I would like to be dancing it slowly with you,

say, in the ballroom of a seaside hotel.

My palm would press into the small of your back

as the past hundred years collapsed into a pile

of mirrors or buttons or frivolous shoes,

just as the floor of the nineteenth century gave way

and disappeared in a red cloud of brick dust.

There will be no time to order another drink

or worry about what was never said,

not with the orchestra sliding into the sea

and all our attention devoted to humming

whatever it was they were playing.

- Billy Collins

This is your life. Are you who you wanna be?

These monumental times in my life (aka graduation) always bring me back to Switchfoot and their slightly discouraging, yet inspirational song, "This is Your Life." Discouraging because I have no idea if I'm who I want to be. Inspirational because it makes me want to change.

So, let's see, I'm married to a man who loves me deeply, and sometimes I fear that I'm incapable of returning that level of love. We live in a modest and nicely-decorated apartment on the first floor, but I want a balcony in the sun and a little porch swing.

I graduated with a degree in English, my favorite thing, but the writing jobs that are readily available (and by readily available, I mean actually hiring) are not in the creative vein. I hope that someday my journalling will amount to something.

I have a great family that lives thirty miles away, a hamster who responds to her name and begs for attention, and a brother who I've recently discovered I'd protect with my life.

Maybe I'm on my way to something great, to a cute little house, to an editing position in a publishing company, to a husband who has a 9-5 job. I don't know. But I hope I figure it out soon before this song drives me crazy.